While restocking on an asteroid, Splitsie gets injured, Capac meets Steve, and they follow the next clue.
Happy Miner Synopsis[]
Prolog[]
The outside of a small asteroid mining base. The RX-39487 is parked here. We hear Splitsie growl inside: He has a bone to pick with Capac regarding the correct use of suit radio frequencies. Capac shouts over the sound of breaking containers: "No! Not the sandwiches! Why! Help! I'm being repressed!"
In the asteroid base[]
(timelapse music) "A few days earlier..." The RX-39487 flies towards an asteroid and lands. The two-man crew starts drilling a mining hole while the ship computer watches. Capac carries each rock by hand and watches while Splitsie welds up a small mining base. Time passes -- or possibly the asteroid just spins very fast.
(A dream with agitating music. A helicopter is flying an attack run on a base in the dark, shots and explosions, Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries...)[1]
Splitsie wakes up a sleeping Capac. Splitsie had sent Capac to build two beds, but Capac fell asleep in the bed labelled "Capac's Love Bucket". Splitsie is angry because the bed labeled "Splitsie's bunk" is unbuilt.
Capac excuses his nodding off with their recent lack of sleep. In the RX-39487, they had the choice between lying on the hard floor or standing in the crypod. Splitsie argues Capac has already spent 48 of the last 72 hours unconcious due to first passing out from blood loss followed by Algal Nutrient Paste poisoning.
Capac remembers Nutrient Paste fondly. Splitsie tells him he fixed the food replicator and turned the paste into bread for lunch. Combined with MRE meat, Capac imagines bacon sandwiches. Splitsie conjures up the image of left-over grilled sandwiches on the counter. Capac is suddenly wide awake and hurries to the kitchen, rummaging noisily for sandwiches. After cleaning up the mess, Capac is now awake enough to help Splitsie build a Refinery.
Capac won the battle against the sandwich and joins Splitsie in the Refinery-room-to-be. Capac points out that the Refinery's modules look like a giant pair of-- only to be interrupted by Splitsie explaining the benefits of his factory design.
Capac files a construction request for a melty chocolate fondue fountain. Splitsie explains the factory controls and mentions that they could build a chocolate heating system, but there's not enough chocolate in the MRE rations for a fountain. However, Splitsie hints that a source of carbon could replenish the complex organics needed for the food replicator. His longing for marshmellows and bananas in chocolate motivates Capac to start drilling for resources because "there is chocolate in them there hills".
In the Mines[]
(cowboyish timelaps music) Capac struts through the airlock. He remote controls a mining barge, fills it with rocks, and delivers the rocks to the collectors.
Later, Capac meets an exhausted Splitsie in the kitchen and is strangely eager to return to mining. On his way to bed, Splitsie warily advises "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." The next morning, Splitsie finds that Capac has built his own patented auto-miner.
Capac suddenly inquires about the iron content of space suits. Splitsie estimates the iron density of a space suit is higher than that of an asteroid. The auto-miner proceeds to chase a panicking Splitsie, determined to mine iron from his suit. Capac stands aside typing on his Wristpad, mumbling about system argument exceptions and networking signals. Splitsie thinks he has escaped, but the auto-miner's ore detector is still aiming for the iron rich suit.
Capac manages to send a message to the auto-miner:
Capac: @Happy Miner pls stop Capac: i programmed you to love Happy Miner: @Capac What is love? Capac: oh, well, when a man robot and a lady robot...
Splitsie ducks and narrowly avoids the approaching drills. The drills get caught in a mining hole and the auto-miner punches through the asteroid wall and drifts away in low gravity. Capac's plan to pick it up later is rudely interrupted by the auto-miner exploding. Watching the explosion through the hole, Capac comes to terms with manual drilling. Splitsie facepalms.
On the way through the airlock, Capac quotes cowboys riding west with trusty mules, staking claims, and panning for gold. Splitsie patiently explains why panning won't work in low gravity. Capac responds "Well shucks" in a cowboy accent.
In the asteroid base[]
Splitsie has built a component production factory in the base. Capac plays loud Australian folk music in the mines and sings along over the intercom, exasperating Splitsie. Splitsie successfully starts up the refinery and begs the computer to help prevent future Capac disasters.
Together they use the mining barge to ferry assembled components outside to the parked RX-39487, where Splitsie proceeds to make repairs. Splitsie announces that, after the repairs, he'll find out what is going on. During repair work, Splitsie is surprised to find that the nanomarkers of the impactor debris are identical to the nanomarkers of RX-39487, but the debris field was too big for such a small ship to be its source, maybe--
Before he can finish the thought, something short-circuits and propells him far away in low gravity. His fall is broken abruptly by an asteroid mountain. Splitsie comes to, groans, and orientates himself. Capac cannot hear Splitsie over the loud music. Splitsie's arm is broken and he limps back along steep asteroid cliffs, cursing Capac for not coming to his rescue.
Back in the base, Splitsie is furious and turns down the music. Capac is busy singing and drilling smiley faces into the asteroid. Capac suspects nothing when the music suddenly stops. In the airlock he casually wonders whether it was bothering Splitsie. Capac hums all the way to the kitchen and does not pay attention to the furious Splitsie behind him.
(Teichoscopy, same scene as the prolog) From far away, Splitsie growls he has a bone to pick with Capac regarding the correct use of suit radio frequencies. Capac shouts over the sound of breaking containers: "Huh? What? What are you doing? No! Not the sandwiches! Why! Why god why! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
On board the RX-39487[]
Later in the cockpit, Splitsie tells Capac about a signal from one of the planets. The refinery can keep working in the asteroid base while they take the ship to explore. Capac's attention is focused on tuna in his beard. Splitsie wants answers why he is stuck out here with the likes of (grr!) Capac. Capac will have to fly the ship since Splitsie cannot use his arm. Splitsie will tear out Capac's jugular with his teeth if Capac damages the ship.
Capac excuses himself to use the "little spaceman's room". On his way down the stairs, he sees a piece of cobalt ore on the ground and crouches down.
Capac: Hey buddy, don't tell Splitsie: I think I'm gonna name you Steve."
Under Splitsie's instructions, Capac lifts off and steers the ship towards the signal.
Epilog[]
Capac in the cockpit asks for silence back there. Splitsie turns around and sees nobody but a cobalt rock sitting by the staircase.
Computer dialog[]
| Timestamp | Dialog | Translation |
|---|---|---|
| 12:38 | Chemical engineering production facility set to appropriate starting conditions. | Initialising Refinery |
| 12:43 | All interdependent component parts betaken. | All systems ready |
| 12:49 | Offering emotional support. | yes |
| 16:15 | I've divined a repeating radio-wave modulation in a gravitational curve well-nigh unity of the innertube wandering stars. | I have detected a signal in orbit around one of the planets |
References[]
- ↑ Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon